Confessions of a Nail Biter: Disaster has Struck

Monday Musings is a weekly post where I write about whatever is 

currently on my mind.

Disaster struck this week.  I destroyed all but two of my nails.  I can tell you how it all started but I cannot explain how it went so far.

Earlier this week, my nails began to break.  I had missed my weekly manicure because I was sick and working eight hours a day.  It's hard to paint your nails, even to apply nail strengthener, when you are completely exhausted.  My nails are so weak that without polish, they just break.

When the first nail broke, I reacted well and used  a nail file.  I was proud.  But then another nail broke.  The edges were uneven.  The nail was catching on things.  I started to bite.  Then the next nail broke, and I continued to bite.  Then I started some preemptive biting.  I'm pretty sure this nail is going to break soon; I better take care of that.  And now my hands are in a bad place.  Some of my nails, I could salvage.  Others are destroyed, red, painful, damaged.  I can't explain why I didn't stop myself.  I was aware of what I was doing.  I carry a nail file in my purse, everywhere I go.  And even after those nails were completely destroyed, I still kept biting.  I am not sure what happened.  I was obsessed.

This is so hard.  I am using this blog to keep myself accountable to my goal.  I will beat this habit.  

Monday Musings 4/9/18

Currently...


Writing... nothing
I have not written anything in months.  No editing either.  I keep thinking about getting started again.  Maybe a new notebook is needed..... hmmmm.

Reading... Magonia by Maria Dahvana Headley
It's such an interesting book.  I have had a hard time reading recently because I was so sick I could not pay attention to words on a page, but now that I am feeling better, I am getting back into the story.

Listening to... Lady Gaga
I love her newest album, Joanne.  It is the perfect album to sing along with, anytime of day.

Eating... Low-calorie food
My husband and I are trying to be more healthy and lose some of the weight we have recently gained.  At this point we count calories for about half of the week, easing into this new diet.

Drinking... so much sparkling water and tea
Since I got sick, I have been trying to hydrate as much as possible, and the tea helps my throat.  It doesn't hurt that they are two of my favorite beverages.

Wearing... my pink cat dress
Today was a beautiful spring day, and I decided to show my crazy cat lady a little.  I wish I had gotten a picture of myself in my cat dress with my cat mug.  Pitiful.

Feeling... frustrated
I have been trying to draw every day, but recently I find it hard to think of something to draw so I just stare at my sketchbook and pens and never draw anything.  Frustrating!

Weather... sunny
Today was a beautiful day, almost 70.  It made me dream of summer.  Unfortunately it will be raining again tomorrow.

Wanting... to complete Erin's Book Challenge
Less than a month to go and I have 2 and a half books to read.  I am hopeful.  I think I can do it.  If my fear of completing projects doesn't get in my way.

Thinking... I'm almost completely healthy again
I still have a cough, mostly when I talk a lot, but overall I feel so much better.  Yay!

Watching... American Gods
Loved the book!  And I am really enjoying the first season of the tv show.  I'm on the last disc and can't wait to see what cliffhanger the season ends with.

Enjoying... hidden object games
I'm obsessed recently.  I love hidden object games!  I could play for hours.

What are you up to?
Have you watched American Gods?  What is spring like where you live?
Do you have a reading challenge you enjoy?

The Sands of Time by Sidney Sheldon

From the Back Cover:
"Spain.  A land of eternal passion and enceasing bloodshed.  From the vengeance of a pitiless tyrant, four women flee the sacred, once-safe walls of a convent:  Lucia, the proud survivor harboring a murderous secret form the savage clan wars of Sicily...

Graciela, the beauty still unpurged of guilt from one reckless, youthful sin...

Megan, the orphan seeking perilous refuge in the arms of a defiant Basque rebel...

and Teresa, the believer haunted by a faith that mocks her with silence.

Leaving innocence but not hope behind, they venture into an alien, dazzling world, where each will encounter an unexpected destiny -- and the truth about herself."

What I Thought:

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives."

From the moment I chose this book from my bookshelf, those words echoed in my head.  I chose this book for Erin's Book Challenge for the prompt to read a book by an author whose first and last name start with the same letter, and the Days of Our Lives reference was very appropriate.

I think it was a combination of the book's title and the cover art that first made me think of that famous, long-lived soap opera (which I used to watch religiously, by the way), but once the story got going, I soon realized how much like a soap opera this book actually is.

It all starts with nuns running away: from a life of crime, from their sexuality, from the man who rejected them, from the unknown.  Add in the evil, violent general and a group of handsome terrorists, and voila!  You've got action, adventure, romance, twists, turns, everything a soap opera needs.

The characters were predictable.  Sex was used as a weapon.  The people who should be good guys were bad.  The ones who should be the bad guys were good.  Some characters had happy endings and some did not get what they wanted.  It was a soap opera, and I loved and hated it all at once.

One of my goals for this year is to pass the books that I read onto another reader.  This will be the first book that I pass on.  If you are interested in getting your hands on this book, please leave a comment.  Next Wednesday, I will randomly choose one commenter and mail the book to him or her.  If no one comments, I will donate the book or take it to a used bookstore.

Do you like soap operas?

Have any good book recommendations?

Don't forget to comment if you would like to receive this book.

I'm Sick and Other Random Thoughts

Monday Musings is a weekly post where I write about whatever is 

currently on my mind.

1.  I am sick.  I have been sick for over three weeks now.  And it just keeps going.

2.  Last week was spring break.  We went to Las Vegas for a few days.  We stayed at the Aria, which was beautiful and amazing.  We went to see the Cirque Du Soleil show, Love, based around Beatles songs.  It was awesome.

3.  I was sick while we were in Vegas for spring break.

4.  I didn't blog for a week because I was sick.

5.  Am I complaining and whining too much?  I feel like I might be complaining and whining.  I'm just so sick and tired of being sick.

6.  It's really hard to be back at work when you're still sick.

7.  Don't worry.  I will survive.  Hopefully, I will be healthy soon.

8.  Did I mention that I hate being sick :(

What I'm Reading 2018 - March 28, 2018

What I'm Reading Wednesday is a monthly feature where I share what I have been reading.  Feel free to share what you are currently reading in the comments (I love comments and book recommendations!).

Reading Goal for the Year:  50 books

Currently Reading:  Magonia by Maria Dahvana Headley

Total Read So Far:  7/50 books

January 2018

1.  Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn

2.  The Short Drop by Matthew Fitzsimmons

3.  Evelyn After by Victoria Helen Stone

4.  The Likeness by Tana French

February 2018
1.  The Sands of Time by Sidney Sheldon
2.  The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware

March 2018
1.  Into the Thickening Fog by Andrei Gelasimov

Well, my reading year was off to a great start but I seem to be slowing down. 

Do you have a reading goal for the year?

What are you reading? 

Evelyn, After by Victoria Helen Stone

From the Back Cover:

"Evelyn Tester is sleepwalking through her suburban life—until a late-night phone call startles her awake. Her husband, a prestigious psychiatrist, has been in an accident. And he isn’t alone.

Suddenly Evelyn’s world isn’t as tidy as she thought. And in the midst of it all is Juliette, not only her husband’s secret lover but also his patient. If news of the affair were to get out, it would ruin more than just Evelyn’s marriage. Although it’s a bitter pill for Evelyn to swallow, protecting her family means staying silent—even if, as she begins to discover, the night of the accident has consequences far more dangerous than the unmasking of an affair.

But the more Evelyn learns about Juliette’s picture-perfect life—complete with a handsome, unsuspecting husband—the more she yearns for revenge…and satisfaction. Her growing obsession fuels her rage, burning away her complacency. What will be left of her after it flames out?"

What I Thought:
Oh, Evelyn!  What would I do if I were put in your position?  I honestly don't know.  I have dealt with cheating and dishonesty in my life but not at the level that you did.  I can understand the decisions you made.  I can understand the devastation you felt.  I can understand the need to build yourself up at others' expense.

Oh, Evelyn!  I cannot imagine the pain and grief and anger you felt.  I cannot imagine how good it felt to have something beautiful come out of that ugliness.  I cannot imagine how it felt when that good thing returned to the ugliness.

Oh, Evelyn!  You have made me think.  You have made me wonder what anger and grief could do to me.  You have made me wonder if I can find my happy ending.  I am glad that you found yours.

Have you read this book?

What did you think?

I am a Nail Biter

Monday Musings is a weekly post where I write about whatever is 

currently on my mind.

I am a nail biter.  I have been a nail biter for as long as I can remember.  Throughout my childhood, I had no nails to speak of.  My fingers were always in my mouth.  I was never proud of my hands or my nails.

As I have gotten older, I have become more successful at growing my nails.  I usually have a few months of healthy (as healthy as they can be after years of biting and picking) nails, then one will break.  I will start to pick and bite.  Picking and biting.  Picking and biting.  Until all my nails are gone.  Sometimes I can limit myself to one or two nails, usually a thumb and an index finger.

In the last ten years I have had two serious finger infections.  One tested positive for MRSA.  Both were scary experiences; I have an artificial hip and have to take all infections very seriously.  Each time, there was no wound.  The doctors determined that the cause of the infection was my nail-biting.  My most recent infection was only two months ago, mid-February, and I knew that it was time to take control of this problem.

My thumb on Day 1

Day 1:  As part of my Year of Yes!, I decided to say "Yes!" to my nails.  I gave myself a manicure and painted my nails a bright shade of pink.  This makes it a lot more obvious if my nail is headed towards my mouth.  My left thumb was my shortest, most ragged nail.

My thumb on Day 18

Day 18:  At the days passed by, I was making progress.  I had not bitten a nail, not even one.  I had picked at the skin around some nails, but things were definitely getting better.  I was maintaining my manicures and using all of my nail polishes.

My thumb on Day 30

Day 30:  My nails are growing.  My skin is healing.  This may be the best decision I have made this month.  My nails are still really weak and two of them broke this week.  I picked up my nail file instead of biting or picking.  I have successfully gone a whole month without destroying a nail!  I am using that finger infection and my hip health as motivation to keep going all year.

Wish me luck!

Have you ever tried to quit a bad habit?